By Mo’ayed al-Ashqar
DARAA, Syria (North Press) – Abir al-Khaldi, a pseudonym for a 45-year-old woman from Daraa Governorate, southern Syria, never imagined that she would one day stand in the way of her daughter’s marriage, regardless of the circumstances and reasons.
She feels, however, that her young daughter, like many girls, is a victim of the disparity between customs and traditions, and economic conditions.
The deeply-rooted traditions in Daraa and its rural areas require the bride’s family to bear the expenses of hosting wedding feasts and gifts.
Families of brides-to-be need approximately 10 million Syrian pounds(SYP, which equals about $690) to cover the costs of visits, feasts, and gifts exchanged between the two families.
Costumes and tradition
Two months ago, a young man with good qualities proposed to al-Khaldi’s daughter. She said he had many desirable advantages. She, however, was forced to reject the proposal because she could not afford the expenses that marriage would impose on them.
The family relies on the father’s wage as a daily laborer in construction. Recently, he had to work in picking olives due to the lack of construction projects in the area.
Al-Khaldi told North Press that she wishes they owned something valuable that they could sell to cover the expenses of her daughter’s pre-wedding requirements.
Unfortunately, she does not have a single piece of gold to sell. She prefers not to borrow money either because it would put more pressure on her husband and upset him.
Customs and traditions dictate that families of brides must bring several gifts for her new home. These gifts may include electrical appliances, such as a television, a vacuum cleaner, and some blankets. In some cases, the family may also contribute to buying the bride’s clothes.
As for what is known as the “Qurs al-Bakht” or the wedding breakfast, it is another challenge. The bride’s family is expected to prepare breakfast for the couple on their first day after the wedding. The mother and other female relatives are responsible for carrying the food to the bride’s new home.
Sometimes, the family may be criticized if the feast does not contain meat, chicken, appetizers, as well as fruits, juices, sweets, and nuts. The wedding breakfast is estimated to cost three million SYP($200), according to a woman in Daraa.
Despite the dominance of traditions, other families believe that it is not necessary to reject or postpone the marriage for a long period of time over expenses. This issue can be resolved if both families can come to an understanding.
Understanding
Salma Ramadan, 48, said her sister-in-law married four months ago without abiding by many costly customs.
Ramadan told North Press that the financial situation of the groom’s family was similar to that of the bride’s. Both families could not afford the additional expenses but came to an understanding and solved the issue without complications.
They agreed to not abide by the tradition of hosting lavish feasts and instead opted for regular visits. They set a specific budget for each item, allocating six million SYP ($410) for clothes and cosmetics. Usually, the costs amount to 20 million SYP ($1,380).
Ramadan further explained that reducing expenses was in favor of the groom’s family since they bore the majority of the costs. The groom’s family purchased only necessary gold jewelry and forwent hosting the wedding party in a hall.
She noted that many families feel embarrassed about discussing their living conditions to avoid potential social embarrassment or accusations of stinginess or materialism.
Faisal al-Issa, a pseudonym for one of the prominent figures in the city of Daraa, 52, told North Press that it is the duty of wise individuals in the community to put an end to the traditions and customs that hinder the marriages of young men and women.
He pointed out that this issue is frequently discussed in public gatherings such as weddings, funerals, and Friday prayer sermons. Some people, however, firmly believe that traditions cannot be changed or overlooked.
Moreover, influential figures keep highlighting this issue in social gatherings and advise families to overcome the obstacles that hinder the happiness of their sons and daughters.